I recently embarked on a new career journey – an addition to my day-to-day work. Actually taking the step to do this took a tremendous amount of courage, and I had to fight off the familiar voices that told me I shouldn’t bother – I probably wouldn’t get what I wanted. So I felt proud of myself and super happy when I took the chance and was granted the awesome opportunity to do something I have been wanting to do for several years now.
The problem is that this new venture takes time to develop and grow, and I am having a difficult time being patient.
So I have found myself really struggling. Despite the fact that I know I need to be patient, I am having a hard time not feeling like I am failing already. It’s silly. I know this. But it’s how I feel, and instead of trying to stuff or ignore what is going on inside of me, I have been letting myself feel it – even though it doesn’t feel great.
It isn’t lost on me how easily I went from “I’m proud of myself” to “I am failing at this and I have barely even started.” I’m not exactly kind to myself, as evidenced by a self-compassion assessment I took a few weeks ago. I am currently enrolled in a class taught by my favorite shame researcher, Brené Brown, and as part of one of our lessons, we were instructed to visit Kristen Neff’s website and take her Self-Compassion test. I knew I would not do well (translation: I am not compassionate with myself, at all), and the test confirmed the same.
A few weeks ago a dear friend came over to my home for an after-work glass of wine, snacks, and catch-up time. During our chat, I shared with her a bit of what I have been feeling. While we were talking, she said something that truly stuck with me. She said that this is just a season of my life. It will not last forever.
Summer is my least favorite season. I know, I know – that probably puts me squarely in the minority, but it’s true! I don’t like hot weather (unless I am vacationing somewhere tropical), and I love nearly everything about spring, fall, and winter (yes, even snow and bitter cold!). So just like I do in the summer when I tell myself that summer is just a season and the extreme heat and humidity will not last forever, I am remembering my friend’s words and choosing to tell myself – and believe – that what I am going through right now is just a season. It will not last forever.
And while I remind myself that this season is just that, I am also working on improving my score on that Self-Compassion test, starting with reminding myself that I was courageous and got the dang job and all of those negative voices can take a hike!!!
Have you found yourself in a difficult season that you have had to learn to embrace or even just tolerate? How have you helped yourself or been helped through the season? I would love to know about your difficult seasons and how you have worked through and/or embraced them.