just a season

I recently embarked on a new career journey – an addition to my day-to-day work.  Actually taking the step to do this took a tremendous amount of courage, and I had to fight off the familiar voices that told me I shouldn’t bother – I probably wouldn’t get what I wanted.  So I felt proud of myself and super happy when I took the chance and was granted the awesome opportunity to do something I have been wanting to do for several years now.

The problem is that this new venture takes time to develop and grow, and I am having a difficult time being patient.

So I have found myself really struggling.  Despite the fact that I know I need to be patient, I am having a hard time not feeling like I am failing already.  It’s silly.  I know this.  But it’s how I feel, and instead of trying to stuff or ignore what is going on inside of me, I have been letting myself feel it – even though it doesn’t feel great.

It isn’t lost on me how easily I went from “I’m proud of myself” to “I am failing at this and I have barely even started.”  I’m not exactly kind to myself, as evidenced by a self-compassion assessment I took a few weeks ago.  I am currently enrolled in a class taught by my favorite shame researcher, Brené Brown, and as part of one of our lessons, we were instructed to visit Kristen Neff’s website and take her Self-Compassion test.  I knew I would not do well (translation: I am not compassionate with myself, at all), and the test confirmed the same.

A few weeks ago a dear friend came over to my home for an after-work glass of wine, snacks, and catch-up time.  During our chat, I shared with her a bit of what I have been feeling.  While we were talking, she said something that truly stuck with me.  She said that this is just a season of my life.  It will not last forever.

Summer is my least favorite season.  I know, I know – that probably puts me squarely in the minority, but it’s true!  I don’t like hot weather (unless I am vacationing somewhere tropical), and I love nearly everything about spring, fall, and winter (yes, even snow and bitter cold!).  So just like I do in the summer when I tell myself that summer is just a season and the extreme heat and humidity will not last forever, I am remembering my friend’s words and choosing to tell myself – and believe – that what I am going through right now is just a season.  It will not last forever.

And while I remind myself that this season is just that, I am also working on improving my score on that Self-Compassion test, starting with reminding myself that I was courageous and got the dang job and all of those negative voices can take a hike!!!

Have you found yourself in a difficult season that you have had to learn to embrace or even just tolerate?  How have you helped yourself or been helped through the season?  I would love to know about your difficult seasons and how you have worked through and/or embraced them.

2 thoughts on “just a season”

  1. While I have experienced many “seasons” in my life, looking back, each one taught me something about myself. Not all of those lessons were pleasant and quite a few of them had me looking at myself and wondering, “what happened to the old me?” I feel like I am slowly getting back to the “old me”, someone who was happy and in love with life. I still have a ways to go, but continue to climb the mountain in front of me. Of course, I am not climbing alone. I have friends who are helping me (once I had the courage to expose my shame and tell them what was going on in my life) and a wonderfully loving and supportive husband who made me believe in marriage again.

    1. I hope you recognized yourself in this post… those were YOUR words that stuck with me, my friend. Your words that have helped me as I trudge through this difficult season in my life. xoxo.

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